Truth can be something so hard to grasp; in all our attempts to have it settle into our hearts, we find it merely sliding around in our minds as something we know should be greater than the lies we live with but still can't fully believe that that is even possible. Knowledge is not enough. Truth has to be seen, embraced, and experienced for it to fully exercise its power to exorcise out the lies.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered some powerful lies that have been tangled deep inside me--unconsciously shaping my self-identity. Knowing there are false things that I believe about myself was like knowing a sink is clogged, and that you need to reach in to pull out the hair that has stopped the drainage. I was prepared to clear out the surface blockage. What I was unprepared for was the insanely thick wad of God-knows-what that got pulled up instead.
here are just a few of the things I had silently agreed to believing:
1. I can't trust anyone.
2. I'm a victim.
3. I'm superior to others.
4. I don't have what it takes
5. I'm worthless
6. I only have value when I'm needed
7. I am my flaws.
8. My value is in my appearance
in addition to...
whatever i do, it won't be good enough
I'm all alone; no one cares so I have to take care of myself
I am responsible for other people's feelings, problems and behaviors
If people knew the real me, they won't like me- they'll reject me
God doesn't simply "delight" in me; He will rescue me or pay attention if I need it, but not if I just want it
Asking for help will lead to rejection or denial
People will only like me if I'm happy
I want to be happy- to have my desires fulfilled, but that's not my lot in life
I'll never get what I truly want
Told you it was one fat, hairy ball of ugly.
So I embarked upon a journey where I sat with Jesus and asked Him to move His truth from out of my head and into the deep caverns of my experiential heart where the water has been unable to flow for so long.
Over the next few blogs, I will reveal what has been revealed. Light to vanquish darkness.
I am a victim.
Really, Leah? You, who are bought with the death of God, have no power to change? He who restored life into nothing- this same One lives in you and loves you- and you call yourself STUCK? Unable to grow or change? Behold! You are a NEW creature! Old things have been done away with- new things are beginning! You still assume that you will always be on the losing end of life? NAY! You are more than a conqueror through Him who loves you and gave away His life for you. (Romans 8: 31-32; Romans 8:37; I Corinthians 7:23).
I'm superior to others.
What do you have that you have not been given? Yes, you are gifted, Leah. Uniquely designed to bring joy and hope into the lives of others, but make no mistake- this is not because you are greater than they are. You are a part- a beautiful part of an intricate whole that is the community I am building. I need you to be you- I need you to throb with the vitality you have been given, but do not ever forget that I am the Builder. I bring you to those who need you, and yet, do you not also see how I bring others to you when you need them? This is the beauty of My love. One person is not diminished by the other's giftings-- on the contrary, each is made more whole through the differences they bring. So be you, my love. Not in superiority, enslavement or enablement. Refresh and be refreshed. Here is where you find rest. (I Corinthians 4:7; I Corinthians 12: 14-27).